2015 Rewind: It's the little things.
Hi, it’s me, KP. I’m trying to get back into writing, something I loved to do for so long but has been on the back burner for quite some time. I wrote an email to my family a few years ago after doing some reflecting and have wanted to share for sometime but finally am able to do so. So, below is a real, raw look at a thought I have been revisiting frequently as of late and wanted to share.
In this, you will find grammatical errors and flaws, run-ons, and probably many things I would love to go back and correct but the beautiful thing is that's who I am; I am not perfect. I am flawed. I am confusion. I am, at times, a collection of run-on sentences that someone should have broken up into different thoughts instead of letting them run together. Below are some thoughts that I do believe are good for the soul, especially in a time right now where a virus has taken over the world and flipped it upside down. Sometimes I think we could all sit back and realize how lucky we are to have the family and friends that we do because I know that sometimes I take it for granted.
How lucky are we?
2015 was a year full of love, happiness, sadness, lost friends and lessons. If there’s anything this past year has taught me, it’s that no day is ever guaranteed. This year we lost many loved ones: family, friends, people we only knew as acquaintances. I have seen unrelenting faith as friends went through heart breaks and tough times. Six years ago this February we lost someone who was very special to us. She was the person who would make you feel better no matter what the problem was; she never judged even when the situation was worth judgement. If there was one thing that I could redo, it would be spending more time with her before she was taken from us so early. Aunt Claudia was a beautiful person inside and out, a heart full of love, and a true follower of Him. There were many dark days after this happened, not only for myself, but for everyone who had been touched by this caring soul. This hard time would be a catalyst into learning to love as hard and as deeply I could, to show kindness and compassion even to a stranger, and to live everyday as if it were your last, because tomorrow is never guaranteed.
In the past, my New Year’s resolutions were just like everyone else’s: lose weight, cut out soda, save as much as I could so that I was finally able to buy that expensive handbag I had been wanting for years. After going through what I like to call a “less than quarter of a century crisis”, I realized that all of these things were superficial and would never truly benefit me in my journey to happiness. They were materialistic resolutions that would never help me to be the person I wanted to be. This year is different. It’s not about resolutions or wanting to change myself, because it’s not my physical attributes, per say, that need changing, but my outlook on life that needed a kick from behind to realize that I had everything I ever needed to be the person I wanted to be.
I have a family that loves me more than I could ever imagine, friends who were there for me during tough times, and an endless amount of possibilities because no matter what, you are never stuck. There is not one thing that can cause you to be stuck where you are. If you don’t like your job, quit. If you don’t want to be stationary, travel. If you think you deserve to be treated better, then demand that respect and present yourself to the world how you think you should be treated.
No regerts (if you know this reference, HMU)
I am normally not one to look back on life and regret anything because the decisions I made we exactly what I wanted at the time, however, if I could go back, I would have spent more time with the people that we have lost and those who mean the most to me. This is the one thing in my past I regret (for me to say this is a lot because my one rule of life is to never regret anything). It’s not eating the whole pizza from Mellow Mushroom that made me so full I felt sick. It’s not the party I missed to sit at home and watch the sun set with my parents. Those things are all so trivial in comparison to time.
If I could have one more day, just one day, to tell these people how much I loved them and to show them how much they mean to me, I would give almost anything. There are people in our lives who are there to shape us into the people that we are today, whether they have a major impact or something as small as holding the door for us, it is these actions that shape us and mold us to be the people we are today.
Sis, don't worry about the future, it’s not here yet
All of these thoughts are something that have been swirling around my head for some time now, but I was never able to understand them. I was never able to turn these thoughts into actions, something that I could change, until I was sitting at our beach house thinking about how grateful I was to have my family, my friends, these moments with people that may not be here for the next 40 years. It was the end of December and I was wondering what my New Year’s resolution was going to be and I realized that tomorrow is not promised, so live in today, make it great and don’t worry about the future because it’s not here yet.
One day all of these moments will just be a memory
Every moment you are given, be grateful that you are still breathing; every place that you travel to, even if it’s your grandmother’s house, take in the smell, the sound of her voice, the way she hugs you, her movements. Feel how big her heart is, watch her do her hair and makeup, appreciate every single moment you have with her, learn the way she cooks her eggs and bacon or chicken divan. Don’t waste the precious moments checking facebook or snapchat. Instead, listen to the words they are saying, take in every moment with that person, because one day, all of these moments will just be a memory and that person will be gone, and you’ll sit there and wish you had paid more attention to these precious moments and wish you had spent more time with them.
Don’t let this be a regret you have; take everything in and love each person with your whole heart. In the blink of an eye, everything could change, a loved one could be gone and you’ll want to remember all of the smells, the memories, the lessons they used to tell you but you never fully listened. Don’t be thinking “I wish I would have spent more time with that person or listened to the way spoke”. Don’t end up where I am, wishing I could go back in time and tell myself to put the phone down, watch, listen, and just be.
There is no mountain you cannot conquer
As for my “resolution” this year: to live in every moment, never take anything for granted, to love and to live life to the fullest, to spend time with people who impact my life and make me a better person, be a giver not a taker, enjoy every moment we are given because it could be gone in a second, to climb mountains and at the top, stand and take every breath in, because there will be times where you are pushed back down to the bottom, but there is no mountain you cannot conquer.
“In the blink of an eye, everything can change. So forgive often and love with your whole heart. You never know when you may not have that chance again.”
This is me. This is the person I want to be. I am made of flaws, I am made of grammatical errors (which I’m sure there are many in this) and I make mistakes. But those “mistakes” are what shape us into the person that we have become. This may not be the best reference, but there is a song that spoke so clearly to me and made me appreciate every little thing that happens: “For every stoplight I didn't make, every chance I did or I didn't take… All the doors that I had to close, All the things I knew but I didn't know, Thank God for all I missed, 'Cause it led me here to this”. -D
It’s not a roadblock, it’s just a speed bump
Every little thing happens to you for a reason, so appreciate these moments, live in these moments, and understand there is a reason for everything. When you have family get-togethers, sit back and watch everyone interact and live in that moment, think how lucky you are to be sitting there laughing with your family, because not everyone is given these precious moments. Many people go through life alone so the next time you are on your journey and run into what you think is a road block, realize it’s just a speed bump. These moments are times where we can learn to appreciate all that we have been given, and realize that many people would be lucky to live the life we do as there are battles and struggles others are going through that we cannot even imagine.
<3